December 2011
33 posts
Question from Twitter: favourite 5 wrestlers?...
I’m answering this here because obviously space is an issue on Twitter.
My five favorite wrestlers, excluding CM Punk… man, I’m going to have to break this into two lists: current and all time.
Current (I’m adding a 6th because Dolph at least deserves an honorable mention)
6. Dolph Ziggler
Nobody in any wrestling organization makes their opponents look better than...
Another "Lost" Article
This was written sometime around 2000. It’s called “Teaching David Wong.” Suck it.
“You’re sure you want to do this,” I asked as David Wong sat down with his briefcase. He seemed unusually edgy today, and to tell you the truth, I couldn’t really blame him. His hair was just less than perfect and his $2000 suit...
onejediswore asked: Mr. Cheese, I just wanted to tell you how much you inspire me. I was going through a really rough time with depression for a while and reading about your struggles and your addictions really helped me admit I needed help. I got on anti-depressants and started seeing a psychologist. I've shared my story to people and helped them cope myself. It's so rewarding. So I have to ask. What made...
How were your old articles different from the ones...
This was written sometime around 1999.
“Final Fantasy 8” by John Cheese
I love the Final Fantasy series. I always have. I love the storylines, the gameplay, the graphics, the music… they are just damn good games. So I was pretty excited when a friend gave me FF8 as a gift last week.
“Hey, John,” said Gina as she pulled a box from...
goodmorningsweden asked: I've been a fan of you and David since JDATE first came out and after reading your articles I was wondering if you could help me. I'm almost a junior in college now and I have no ambitions or idea of what I want to do with my life. I know the whole "You've got your whole life ahead of you" spiel, but I also know I'm expected to have my shit together by now and seeing...
ijustwanttocommentonotherblogs asked: You seem like that wise barkeep that shares life stories with a realistic moral with his patrons. I want to be a book editor after I graduate, but I'm worried that I won't be able to find a job, or one with good enough pay (median is apparently $50,000) with a bachelor in English and a minor in Spanish. Any advice, or know any good back up careers that don't involve teaching, as I...
Questions
I got these questions through a reader on the forums. She asked that I answer them here, so…
Hello Mr. Cheese! I’m a relatively new reader of yours, though I instantly felt a sort of kinship in your writing style and chosen subject matters, even if I haven’t shared many of your life experiences. The way you write is very relatable to people and I can appreciate that. That...
vincanityvent asked: What video games do you play since you stopped playing WOW?
samkatzkickskids asked: I just wanted to tell you the "7 Reasons Life Does Actually Get Better" article made a huge difference in my life. Right now I'm in my last year of high school and I'm hoping to get into a university out-of-province so I can just get away from this place and start fresh. My parents think I'm stupid for it, so whenever I get down I read your article again and remind myself...
rylannelson asked: I've heard your opinion on videogames, books, and movies, so now I'm kinda afraid to ask: What kind of music are you in to?
How?
Withholding the name on this one because it’s personal. But messages like this are why I started up a tumblr in the first place. To cover questions that I get on a daily/weekly basis. I simply don’t have time to answer them all individually, so hopefully this will help more than just the person who asked the question:
hi mr. john cheese. i like your articles a lot and i’ve...
sexysexyskyrim asked: If you had one super power *solely* for the purposes of dicking around (none of that hero crap), what would it be and how would you use it?
silkatronik asked: Would you ever consider putting Camel Holocaust to music? :)
crashtheweb asked: So, if not movies or books, what do you enjoy doing? Is your only creative input your life? Sorry if my ignorance bothers you, but I'm legitimately curious what you do - is it just raising kids and writing? Do you play boardgames or video games or... something? Do you spend your free time with vigilantism?
luxjacopo asked: What are some of your favorite movies?
alexkoenig asked: What are some of your favorite novels?
injygo asked: How do I give money to you?
sexysexyskyrim asked: What is your best source of inspiration for jokes and funny material?
Update on the Sticker Project
I recently asked all of you for an easy favor to help out a friend of mine who is doing something pretty cool for our fellow nerd chicks. I just wanted you guys to know that he’s getting some awesome stuff for them, and I really appreciate your kindness. Helping out someone you’ve never met is pretty damn impressive in my book, and I sincerely thank you for it.
Also, for those who...
entangledversion asked: What's your favourite past time?
Easy, No-Effort Way to Help Some Poor Kids!
I posted about this last night, but because I didn’t think about the fact that some Facebook posts are friends-only, the link I provided was pretty useless to pretty much everyone who clicked it. However, I’ve gotten permission from my friend to modify his original message and post it here. Please, I don’t ever ask for anything from my readers. I don’t think it’s...
Want to Make Some Unfortunate Kids Really Happy?
Take a few minutes to read this. It’s by an old friend of mine named Adam. I can verify that he never, ever asks for assistance from anyone. I also promise that going to that link is worth your time. He’s not asking for anything difficult or unreasonable. Just stickers. I’ll be helping out, myself, and I’d really appreciate it if you gave a few minutes of your time to...
confusiongrows-deactivated20120 asked: I think "I Lost You (Through a Portal to Hell)" is absolutely amazing. Do you still write songs, and do you plan to incorporate any into future articles?
cuntwhack asked: Hello! Massive fan here of both your columns and of course in your role within John Dies at the End and it's offshoots (I fear my URL may have given that away). I was wondering why you were never able to finish "David Wong is Fat and Gay", was it because David Wong was signed to a publisher and you were forced to stop? Or did you just get lazy? I wish you could finish it one day, it...
entangledversion asked: How did you get into writing in the first place?
coffeecatscake asked: What do you like on your tacos?
garysthoughts asked: Hello. I was wondering which is your favorite Cracked columnist?
The Truth About Fan Mail
I wanted to bring this up because there are misconceptions about fan mail that I hear pretty regularly, and I’m guilty of sometimes perpetuating it. I don’t do it on purpose — it’s just easy to focus on the negative because I’m human.
People Tend to Apologize for Fan Mail
I understand this, but I still find it odd. Around 8 out of every 10 pieces of fan mail I...
poen-n asked: Any chance of you posting any artwork? Are you still drawing as a hobby at all?
garysthoughts asked: Hello what is the book you are working on about?
What Your Writing Teacher Forgot to Tell You
I get asked all the time about what advice I’d give to new writers. It’s hard for me to answer that question because it really depends on each individual person and their skills. Are you good at the creative/ideas part? Because to me, that’s the hardest part of writing: coming up with a new piece every week that’s not an exact rehash of something else I’ve already...
dawnvictoriaashley asked: Is there an origins story to your pseudonym"John Cheese"?
Insomnia is Killing Me
I’ve had hit and miss bouts of insomnia my whole life, but for the past two years or so, it’s been horrible. Every night, it’s the same thing: I get so tired that I can’t keep my eyes open, so I shut everything down and go to bed. I doze off for fifteen minutes — maybe half an hour, tops — and wake up thinking, “Man, it’s still dark, but...