John Cheese

Jun 20

[video]

Jun 16

cracked:

John Cheese cracked the code on Father’s Day Success last year, so quit scrambling around for a last-minute gift or card (monkey stuff excepted). #CrackedClassic
5 Ways People With the Best Intentions Ruin Father’s Day

cracked:

John Cheese cracked the code on Father’s Day Success last year, so quit scrambling around for a last-minute gift or card (monkey stuff excepted). #CrackedClassic

5 Ways People With the Best Intentions Ruin Father’s Day

Jun 14

We had site trouble yesterday

Since Cracked was down yesterday, I’m reposting my article for this week: http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-hilarious-ways-corporate-twitter-accounts-go-wrong/

Jun 13

cracked:

Be the change you want to see in the world of soulless marketing ploys.
5 Hilarious Ways Corporate Twitter Accounts Go Wrong

#4. Trolls Flock to Every Tweet
Now, given, I [John Cheese] don’t do it much to regular people anymore because I’m still making a lifelong effort to shed my douche skin, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to stop fucking with company Twitter accounts. It’s just so damn much fun, and it’s so easy. I think the biggest reason people do it is because even though there’s obviously a person behind each of those tweets, it’s still a big, faceless, emotionless corporation, and as many right hooks as you throw at their chin, they just keep on smiling and taking it. It’s like an infinite ammo cheat. And the ammo is handfuls of your shit.

Read More

cracked:

Be the change you want to see in the world of soulless marketing ploys.

5 Hilarious Ways Corporate Twitter Accounts Go Wrong

#4. Trolls Flock to Every Tweet

Now, given, I [John Cheese] don’t do it much to regular people anymore because I’m still making a lifelong effort to shed my douche skin, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to stop fucking with company Twitter accounts. It’s just so damn much fun, and it’s so easy. I think the biggest reason people do it is because even though there’s obviously a person behind each of those tweets, it’s still a big, faceless, emotionless corporation, and as many right hooks as you throw at their chin, they just keep on smiling and taking it. It’s like an infinite ammo cheat. And the ammo is handfuls of your shit.

Read More

5 Hilarious Ways Corporate Twitter Accounts Go Wrong -

My article for this week was crazy fun to write. Hopefully you like it so I don’t have to punch you directly in the ear and/or neck.

Jun 08

[video]

Jun 06

aislynn-lestrange said: That article you wrote really upset me. Mainly because you perfectly described my childhood in it, and the fact that I am now on welfare because I study full time and the hours I spend at uni and doing uni work at home add up to more than that of a nine-to-five worker in a week. I hate being on welfare and everyday I am made to feel ashamed and embarrassed about it. I just want to thank you for writing that, and to show that we are not all greedy, lazy people.

Thank you. What you just told me is a more common story that you may think. Keep busting your ass, and you’ll get out.  It’s hard as hell, but it will happen.

kjspedroso said: I've read many of your articles on Cracked. Specifically: reasons life gets better, today's welfare article, and what politicians won't ever understand about poor people. I've been in the same place as you and we've been on welfare and food stamps since I was a teenager. Reading and rereading your articles makes me feel better and your writing makes me feel less alone. I've wanted to tell you this for a while but couldn't figure out how to contact you. Now I have. Thank you. It's meant so much.

Thanks for saying so. It’s amazing the amount of messages I get like this one after an article like that.  I don’t think people realize how many of us there are out there because we never get heard.  All they hear is the stat-thumping of politicians and biased news organizations, and I’m about as sick of it as I can get.  I have known the types of scumbags they talk about, and in my experience, they are a rarity — not the norm.

skipperdoodledoo said: Hey Mr. Cheese, just thought you should know you're awesome. Keep being awesome, ok? Keep being the most awesome butt-fart out there. Butt-fart.

Thank you. And if “but-fart” becomes a thing, I will have a reason to retire with pride.

anewyorktimesbestsellingauthor said: Your last article really resonated with me. I was a poor kid on welfare and broke the cycle because I married well (I'd like to think that's not all, but it was certainly the biggest factor). Now that I have a stable family and a husband with a job and a house, I can't get over how "rich" we are just for buying 2-ply toilet paper or ground beef that isn't in a chub. My husband has to remind me that I can buy clothes BEFORE they fall apart because, in my head, I'm still scrounging.

We’re still like that in many ways. Especially the clothes thing. We have to force ourselves out to buy them, or we’d never have them.  One weird thing we did, though, after hitting middle class was splurge on groceries. And now we’ve just realized that we were going too far in the other direction.  It’s the one spot where we went crazy with the money.  Everything else, we still have to remind ourselves that it’s OK to buy it because we’re not living in that dungeon anymore.